Paso a Paso

Last week I had the opportunity to go to Paris and meet up with one of my college roommates. This being the second time to Paris for both of us, we shied away from tourist attractions and explored the lesser knows regions of the city. We began our exploit with a Senegalese meal in the African neighborhood, Goutte d’Or, a truly cross-cultural French and Irish St. Patrick’s Day, and finished up by attending a jazz show in an underground bar.

While my trip was wonderful, I often struggle with how to serve God in these contexts. My future is extremely uncertain, as a 22-year-old recent graduate, and often the reality of this uncertainty completely overwhelms me. I want to have a clear answer, a clear direction, a clear path…and most of all, I want to be able to see the road ahead. Since my graduation, I have hardly been able to see a month into the future. It is frustrating and exhausting and it doesn’t fit in my box, my limited understanding of God.

On Sunday, I attended a Hillsong United Church in Paris. Hillsong is an international music group started in Australia with large church plants in many prominent international cities. The service was completely bilingual (English/French) as was the worship music. I always enjoy going to churches in other countries because you get to be apart of the international body of Christ. Worshiping in different nations gives me a little taste of heaven and reminds me of how every tribe, tongue, and nation will be represented in the throne room.

The sermon was on 1 Kings 19. Elijah is fleeing from the wrath of Queen Jezebel and becomes so exhausted he asks God to take his life. The Lord’s response is “Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.” Elijah eats and then spends 40 days traveling and waiting upon the Lord. In the case of Elijah, his strength is renewed through waiting. Isaiah 40:31 says “but those who wait upon the Lord will renew their strength…” The word wait in Hebrew is qavah, which literally means to wait or look eagerly for. The more I wait upon the Lord, the more my strength will be renewed. The journey is too much for me, so I must learn to eat the bread of God’s provision and wait.

Human nature dictates we have trouble walking “paso a paso” or step by step. I don’t want to wait, or trust, and I don’t believe that if I close my eyes and ask Jesus what to do next, he will be enough. Some how I am tricked into thinking that if I could see ahead I would worry less and be more “prepared” for the future. This thinking is flagrantly idolatrous and reveals my attempts to be my own god. I don’t want to ask God what I should do every day, every step, every moment, but that is exactly the kind of communication and surrender required of a disciple.

I was reminded of a lesson I learned long ago: the measure of your joy is equal to the measure of your surrender. Surrender. Close your eyes. Fix your heart on the cross. Paso a paso. Find strength in waiting upon the Lord. St. Augustine said, “Thou movest us to delight in praising Thee; for Thou hast formed us for Thyself, and our hearts are restless till they find rest in Thee.” May our souls find peace and delight in waiting upon Christ and trusting him to direct every single step.